


send me away with the words of a love song

by wholockedpsycho7



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, tw: miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-21
Updated: 2014-08-21
Packaged: 2018-02-14 01:44:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2173311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wholockedpsycho7/pseuds/wholockedpsycho7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Rory heard a crash at two in the morning, the sound of the door being torn from it's hinges and being pushed out of the way, he knew something was wrong.</p>
<p>What he didn't expect when he ran to the noise, armed with a sword, was that an obviously panicking Doctor would be standing there with a bloody, unconscious River in his arms.</p>
<p>A bloody, unconscious, and- pregnant River?</p>
<p>His sword clattered by his side.</p>
            </blockquote>





	send me away with the words of a love song

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first time I've named a fic after a song! Go me! I feel so accomplished now! Anyway, it's from If I Die Young. If you haven't heard that song... well, maybe you shouldn't hear it. It's pretty dang sad. 
> 
> Also, this is my first really angsty work. I just HAD to post it, because it was in my head and wouldn't leave.

When Rory heard a crash at two in the morning, the sound of the door being torn from it's hinges and being pushed out of the way, he knew something was wrong.

What he didn't expect when he ran to the noise, armed with a sword, was that an obviously panicking Doctor would be standing there with a bloody, unconscious River in his arms.

A bloody, unconscious, and- _pregnant_ River?

His sword clattered by his side.

" _AMY_!" He yelled loud enough for his wife to hear, and rushed to his son-in-law's side, who was kicking away chairs and tables like they were small toys to get to the guest bedroom.

Rory vaguely took note as he scrambled to follow him that his clothes were different; instead of the brown tweed he was used to, the Doctor now wore purple, with a grey vest and a pocket watch beneath it. No, no. He didn't have time to think about that, he had to help his daughter. Something was wrong with his daughter.

The Doctor was hyperventilating, running worried hands over River and pulling the blood-stained towel she had on off. He was murmuring something, too, too quietly for Rory to make out.

He rushed over to the bed as well, wiping his daughter's hair out of her face and checking her temperature with a hand to her forehead.   
She was unnaturally hot.

"Doctor, what's happened?" Rory asked, knowing the best thing he could do was stay calm in this situation.

The Time Lord frantically shook his head and pulled out his sonic, scanning his wife. His eyes were that of panic and shock, something Rory recognized all too well from his days as a nurse.

"She was just- asked me for a towel-I didn't- we lost her- I can't-" His response came out in choppy sentences, hands shaking as he got data from his screwdriver, and a waterfall of tears running from his eyes.

" _Rory_!"

"We're in here, Amy!" He yelled back, putting a cool cloth over his daughter's head and examining her. Right now, her modesty wasn't what he was worried about.

The blood had stopped flowing, but it was still warm and sticky on her legs. Her stomach didn't look too bad, just a bruise. Nothing was broken, as faf as he could tell. She was breathing a little abnormally, but nothing too bad.

But as he pressed down gently, to check for the baby, he finds that her belly is soft.

Too soft for a child to be in there.

Once he realizes, the tears that he'd held calm while tending to his daughter burst out like a dam, and he makes out Amy's warm hand on his shoulder and the Doctor, still shaking as he too checks her stomach.

But he's just looking for further injury.

The Doctor already knows.

The baby- there's not one.

It's gone. River's belly is still large from it, but it's not in there. It's not with the Doctor. It's not with them.

He didn't know she was pregnant at all, didn't even know he was going to have a grandchild until today, but now-he knows.

He knows.

And it hurts.

Amy's yelling his name, he knows, shaking him, telling him she wants to know what's going on.

He doesn't want to tell her. He should spare her the pain of knowing.

But he has to.

"Am-Amy." He makes out, fully aware that he's sobbing. "It's gone."

Her eyes widen, and her face crumples as she finally understands the men's violent shaking, the Doctor not speaking, and the state her daughter is in.

Rory nods tearfully and turns back to River. Hopefully she wasn't hurt from it. Physically, anyway. Emotionally- that's a different story.

She seems somewhat alright- except for the large, yellowing bruise on her stomach.

Rory can see that the Doctor is trying to do something-he's cleaning her up, at the least, using a spare towel. But it's not doing much good, not with how hard he's shaking and the sobs that are making their way out of his throat.

Rory stills his hands and takes over, sending him a look. "Doctor, go sit down."

The man shakes his head frantically. "Rory-no-it's my fault, she's-and my daughter-" and then he collapses to the ground, rocking back and forth, making inhuman noises.

Rory knows better than to try to comfort him now. There's nothing you can say to a man to comfort him when something happens to his children. Rory should know.

He cleans her up and pulls a blanket up to over her chest.

She's peaceful now, while she's sleeping. Rory knows it would be a blessing if she could stay that way.

\---

They sit for a while, all staring at their family member in silence.

Amy's the one to break it. "What happened, Doctor?"

The man in question still hasn't stopped shaking or crying, though the uncontrollable sobs have ceased. He shakes his head and presses a fist to his mouth before speaking quietly. "She was just-she-she was getting out of the bath, and- and she needed a towel. I was working on my damned screwdriver," he threw the object across the room, watching it clatter into a wall harshly, "so I took another minute to finish it. Then I heard her yell and fall, and when I got there she was- she was-" the man was rapidly going deeper into shock, Rory knew.

"Doctor?"

"She was screaming, and she was holding her stomach, and then I was trying to help her, but she said she was- that the baby was coming, something was wrong, and there was so much blood- I couldn't-there wasn't-If I'd have gotten up faster to get her the stupid towel- _UGH_!" He kicked the nightstand, sending it flying across the floor and into the opposite wall. Then the little self control the Doctor had possessed flew away and he curled back into a ball on the floor.

Rory and Amy both knew he'd forever blame himself for what had happened. Even if it wasn't his fault, even if it was an accident, he would claim responsibility for the baby. He'd carry yet another burden on that ancient mind. He would never forgive himself.

\---

It had maybe been two hours since the Doctor had arrived when the door bell rang.

Why, Amy didn't know. The Doctor had torn the door down on his way in.

She exchanged a glance with Rory, and walked to the doorway to see who would be there at five AM and ringing the doorbell.

A young brunette stood there, of perhaps 25, peering into the door at the obvious destruction of the lounge.

At the site of Amy, her brows furrowed. The Scottish woman looked like a mess, with her rumpled clothes and bloodshot eyes.

 "Hi."

Amy was confused. What the hell was someone like this doing here? "Can I help you?" she asked the woman.

"Yeah, I'm looking for the Doctor? Or a stranger you may have seen around. He's got this ridiculous bow tie, and a flop of hair? I couldn't find him when I woke up, so I figured he must have gone out."

Amy considered the innocent looking woman standing on the front step. She knew the Doctor? "Yes, he's here. Who are you?"

"Oh-I sort of travel with him. He runs off like this all the time. I'm Clara." She stuck her hand out to the red-head.

Amy shook it. The woman was a companion-part time, at the very least. Maybe a companion after they'd finally decided to stop running off for months at the time with him. Of course he got lonely in between the times he picked them up. "Alright," Amy said hesitantly, "come in. We have a-a family emergency, so you can sit in the lounge. But it's going to be a while before the Doctor will come out."

Clara looked confused, but nonetheless nodded and followed Amy to their halfway-destroyed lounge.

"You can go to the kitchen and get some tea or turn on the telly if you like," Amy told the young woman, then turned and walked to the guest room.

\--

Amy decided not to mention Clara, instead simply sitting beside the Doctor and clutching his hand as they waited. It wasn't like there was anything else to do.

\--

River groaned.

Her head hurt. Her stomach hurt.

What happened?

She groggily opened her eyes to voice her thoughts, looking to her husband, who was sitting on the floor and holding her hand on the side of the bed. "Honey?"

His head shot up, and she inhaled sharply. He didn't look so good. His eyes were rimmed with red, his face blotchy, and his shirt had brown-red stains on the front that could only be one thing. "River." He gave her a weak smile that didn't reach his eyes. "How are you feeling?"

She licked her lips. "What happened?" She asked instead.

"Melody?" A familiar voice came from the doorway and River's eyes widened. "Mum?"

The red-head, who also looked as if she'd been in a train wreck, rushed to her other side. "Oh God. How are you feeling. It doesn't hurt, does it? I- we love you, River, okay? I'm sorry." Tears streamed down her face, and River looked on in confusion.

"What do you mean? I'm fine, Mum." She promised. "It's good to see you." She added. Even if the Doctor wasn't supposed to be here... It did feel good to be in her parent's house again.

Amy only seemed to be more upset by what she said, and she let out a choked noise before turning away from her and settling on the floor, back against the side of the bed.

"River." The Doctor whispered. She turned to him, brows furrowed. "What's going on, sweetie? I know I was hurt, but I'm not-" realization dawned on her.

The baby.

She couldn't feel her.

There wasn't a connection. Her stomach felt different.

The _baby._

The Doctor must've noticed her change in expression, because he grabbed her hand and squeezed tightly.

"No." She finally choked out. " _No_."

She looked to her husband, finally recognizing the grief. "Please," she whispered, "no."

But she knew already. There was nothing he could do. Nothing anyone could do.

Their daughter was gone.

"No," She says again, as if the word could make it better, as if it would make the baby still be there, be fine. " _NO_!" She yells.

Then her father is rushing in the room with another cloth, and coming beside her mother to comfort her.

But it doesn't matter.

Nothing matters.

"No."

She turns to the Doctor. "Where?" She asks weakly.

He knows what she means. "Still on the TARDIS." He says quietly.

River nods, and turns from them to look at the ceiling. "I want to go back to sleep." She informs everyone quietly. "I don't want to do this."

Her mother understands what she means. After all, hasn't she felt the same when she found out she couldn't have another child?

"Rory," Amy whispers, "can you knock her out with something? Do you have anything?"

He nods, and stands robotically to retrieve it out of the medical kit he reserved for trips on the TARDIS.

"Daddy's going to help you sleep, River." Amy promised, as though speaking to a small child. "Okay?"

River nodded, and willingly breathed in the cloth Rory held over her mouth.

\--

The Doctor refused to leave River.

Amy told him three times Clara was sitting in the lounge, and he didn't budge. On the fourth time, he finally snapped, "Well, that's great, she's in the lounge! Good for her! If you want her out of your house send her to the TARDIS for God's sake!"

Amy just looked at him sadly and wisely left him alone.

Clara obviously had no clue what was going on. All she knew was that the Doctor was busy, and he'd left her alone to stay in a stranger's lounge and watch telly.

"Here."

Clara looked away from her book to the plate of Jammie Dodgers plopped in front of her. "Thanks."

Amy sat down beside her and grabbed one for herself. "I don't know how you're going to get home." She thought out loud.

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe the TARDIS will take you."

Clara snorted. "I doubt it. The old cow hates me."

Amy cracked a smile at that. "Oh, you're on her bad side. That's not a good place to be, I imagine."

Clara shook her head. "No. I can't even shower without the stupid thing trying to spray me with syrup instead of water or dumping the entire aquarium of fish on me."

"So no TARDIS."Amy said, "Well, when do you live? What day was it when you left?"

Clara shrugged. "I think it was in August 2013. Don't know what day exactly."

"Oh, yeah. Too early for that. It's 2012. You might be stuck a while."

"The Doctor's still here, isn't he?" Clara questioned.

"That doesn't mean he'll just take you. He's- he's busy."

The brunette snorted. "Busy? Too busy to take me home? I don't think so! He doesn't get to just leave me sitting around." She shot up and in the direction she'd seen Amy go multiple times, despite her protests.

"Clara, no. You shouldn't bother him! He's-"

"He's what?" She challenged. "Good grief, everything doesn't revolve around him!"

Amy's eyes narrowed. "I didn't say it did. You just don't need to bug him."

"He's been sitting in there for hours!" She retorted, and moved around the Scot to the door.

"I _said_ don't-"

Clara ignored her once again and opened the door.

It was quite the sight. The Time Lord wasn't in good shape. He was still holding River's hand, wearing the same blood-stained shirt, and his face was still blotchy and that of one who was mourning.

River was still blessedly unconscious, not aware of the problems that she'd be facing when she woke and had to face reality once more. That being said, her hair was matted and the sheet covering her had blood on it from when she'd been lain down.

"Doctor?" She said softly.

"Go, Clara." In contrast, his voice was rough, stern. He couldn't deal with anyone. Not now. Not after- no. He couldn't do it.

"I can't- I can't leave. I'm a bit too early to catch a cab home, Doctor." She said, trying to do anything to alleviate the obvious mood he was in.

He turned his head to the side. "I'm not going now. You can go do what you like on the TARDIS until I'm back."

Amy shot Clara a sympathetic look and nodded her head toward the door.

The younger woman nodded and headed back to the lounge.

Amy went to him and squeezed his shoulder. "It'll be okay." She said quietly.

He looked up at her. His mother in law. The grandmother of his daughter. The one who's child he'd taken from her. The one who'd went through a divorce with the man she loved because she couldn't have children, which was his fault. He'd ruined her life.

She said it'd be okay.

"How?" His voice cracked. "How, Amy?"

She shook her head. "It'll be okay. You'll remember, but you can make new memories. It'll be okay." She repeated.

He looked back to his wife and fell back into silence.

Amy patted his back once more and left to find the new girl.

Clara was sitting in the lounge, studying her fingernails.

"Told you not to go in there." Amy said softly. "You can't bother him right now."

"What's going on?" Clara asked, looking at her. "Why's he like that? Who's that woman?"

"He-we just- it's not my place to tell." Amy replied hesitantly. "He's going through a really bad spot in his life right now, I'll tell you that. I don't think you'll see much of him after he drops you off. He likes being alone or with her when- when things happen."

Clara studied her face for a moment. There was a pause before she said, "You love him, don't you?" at Amy's incredulous look, she shook her head. "Not like that. But-he means a lot to you. You know him well?"

Amy smiled softly. "Yeah. I do."

"Bit more experienced than me, then."

Amy snorted. "Yeah. Definitely."

Clara rolled her eyes good-naturedly. "I can't figure him out. It's like he's got this outer she'll of a five year old, but there's something-something _deeper_ underneath it he's trying to hide. But you-you know what's under there, don't you?" She questioned.

Amy shrugged and looked away before carefully answering, "No matter how he acts, he's ancient. He's old, and he's wise, and he's seen things. He knows things no one else does. I've seen him take down an entire enemy ship by himself. I've seen him face the greatest of evils, and tell them who he was, and they ran away. That man isn't who you think he is." She looked over at her now, "You best learn that."

With that, she left Clara to ponder her words and went to find her husband.

\---

River did wake up. It was around lunch time, and the smell of roast lingered in the air.

She remembered immediately, and whimpered.

The Doctor's head snapped up, and he looked at her with worry. "You alright, honey?"

It was a useless question to ask, both knew. Of course not. Of course she wasn't okay.He certainly wasn't.

They were both far from being mentally okay right now. And they both knew it.

She nodded once. "Come here."

He climbed into the bed beside her and into her arms.

\---

"Will you get the Doctor, Rory?" Amy said quietly. "He needs to eat something."

Rory hesitated. The man had refused to move at all. He'd just stay there. "Amy-"

"I'll talk to him." Clara piped up from the bar.

"You can try, I suppose." Amy said slowly, sharing a look with Rory.

Clara nodded and got up, walking down the hallway until she reached the door.

She opened it slowly, peeking in through the crack. She saw nothing alarming, so she pushed it open all the way.

She was confused at the sight before her. The Doctor was no longer in the chair, but beside the woman in bed, arms wrapped around her. The woman seemed quite cooperative, too, head burrowed into his neck.

"Um. . . Doctor?" She called. "Doctor?"

Instead of the tweed-clad Time Lord, the woman shifted around to look at her. Her eyes lit in recogition. "Oh. Clara."

 "Erm.. yes. I was just going to get the Doctor to eat." She hesitated slightly before asking, "Are you alright?"

Instead of answering, River looked away and down at the Doctor. "I don't think he's going to eat right now.Tell Amy and Rory to go ahead and eat without us."

"Um.. okay. Right."

She turns and walks back to the kitchen, still wondering who exactly the woman was.

\-----

It's two days until he brings her home. Until then, Amy is kind enough to let her sleep in the other guest room and eat with them. .

When he does, he comes out unexpectedly, and tells her to come to the TARDIS. He doesn't do his elaborate dance around the console, doesn't speak, just lets the TARDIS land and tells her goodbye without even looking up.

She doesn't press the issue, simply stands up, presses a kiss to his cheek, and walks out the doors.

\-----

Rory knows for a fact that it's been a week since the Doctor ate, however hard they try to force him to eat. River isn't much better, only sipping a small bowl of soup one day and avoiding it like the plaque the rest of the time.

They don't even leave the room for anything. They refuse. Many times, Rory's walked in to give them fresh clothes (he knows they probably won't change, but he does it anyway), and River's staring blankly at the wall while the Doctor just lays beside her with his eyes squeezed shut, as if it will keep away the terrible moment that stays in his thoughts.

Rory knows it's hard. He and Amy were the same way those weeks after Demon's Run.

They wouldn't have made it without their friends.

Which, ironically, mainly consisted of Mels herself.

Healing was hard. Honestly, they still have scars from it, even if they know that their daughter is safe. How difficult it must be for them.

At least for Amy and Rory, they knew that there was a way to get her back. There was hope, even faith that the Doctor could bring her back home. With this... with this Rory doesn't know what to do. He and Amy aren't finished mourning yet either, to be honest. They don't really talk about it, either. They avoid the subject and Amy busies herself with writing and Rory with his work.

It's too much, right now.

Too much.

\----

The next day, the Doctor is smacked awake with a pillow.

"Get your skinny arse up!" A Scottish voice calls, and he rolls his eyes, turning instead to wrap an arm around his wife. When she isn't there, his eyes shoot open and he sits up, looking around in a panic for her. To his relief, she's sitting at the edge of the bed lacing her boots up.

Wait-lacing her boots up?

Then the pillow smacks his face again.

He grumbles and glares at Amy, who smiles sheepishly. "Sorry. Slip of the hand," She says innocently, "And, by the way, getdressedbecausewe'regoingonafamilyroadtrip!" She beams, pats his shoulder, and rushes out of the room before he can object.

He groans.

\----

He has to admit, it certainly helps.

Being with his family again is huge in helping his attitude. Honestly, he hadn't even meant to land here. The TARDIS had just changed the coordinates, he guessed. He hadn't thought he'd see them again after Manhattan. But there they were, Amy and Rory, at his side just like they'd been before.

 If he was honest, it did hurt. His heart did squeeze painfully at the thought that in a short while,they'd be leaving him, and they didn't even know it.  

But that was in the back of his mind. For now, he couldn't deny that hearing one of Amy's awful puns did cheer him up, as did Rory trying his hardest to best her at it, only coming up with ones that were even more awful. And then River couldn't help but laugh, and he watched her throat as she did, smiling sofly.

She didn't laugh much, in the past week, and it is so nice when she finally does. Rory and Amy glance triumphantly at each other, and River looks over to him as well, grabbing his hand and scooting closer to him on the backseat. He wraps an arm around her and presses a kiss to the top of her head, listening as the two in the front bicker over the radio station.

\----

The trip really is lovely. They stop at museums, landmarks, sometimes just in front of a grassy field because Amy thinks it'll make a good picture.

Which it does.

They drive for miles, sleeping in seedy little hotels that have beds that squeak and next to no hot water system.

River slowly gets better, he notices, the dark circles under her eyes beginning to slightly lighten and the smiles he missed so much slowly returning. They begin to bicker over nothing again, much to his delight, and he knows that he's slowly healing too.

When they stop at the museums, they fight over what happened when, exactly _how_ wrong the information that is beside the displays is, and drive the guides insane with their comments and cat fights with each other.

Then, one night, they pull up in a 2-star hotel, and River pulls him into the bed wearing nothing but a gentle smile and he knows that they're better.

Not healed, but better.

\----

They finally get back to the house a little over a month later, bidding each other goodnight before going to their bedrooms and falling to sleep.

The next morning, River and the Doctor pack up and leave, pressing kisses to her parent's cheeks. "Bye, mum. I'll see you."

Amy nods. "Alright. You-you take care, okay?" She says hesitantly.

River nods, and enters the TARDIS.

Then, simutanously, they both turn to the Doctor.

"You'll take care of her?" Rory asks.

The Doctor scratches the back of his head. "I'll try my best, Rory. But you know how she is. She doesn't like... relying on anyone, especially me. Don't ask me why, I've got no clue myself. But I can promise to try."

"That'll have to be enough, then." Amy sighs. "It'll be alright, you know. You'll remember. You'll know. But... you do heal. And you can always..." she pauses, "try again, if you want?"

The Doctor shrugs and looks at his shoes. "I don't think so, Amy. I don't think River..." He shakes his head. "I don't think so."

Amy pats his shoulder, then leans over and pulls him into a warm hug, whispering into his ear, "We'll always be here, you know? You need to come talk about something, we're right here, okay?"

The Doctor's stomach twists an he clenches his eyes shut, resisting the urge to cry."Okay, Pond." He lets go after a moment, shaking hands with Rory. "You'll be okay, Doctor. It gets easier, yeah? You dont think you can ever heal... but you do. And when you have friends and family to help you... it's better."

\----

They never breach the subject. They still cry in each others arms at night, seeking comfort, but they don't speak of it.

And they are getting better.

It does seem to be going slower, without Amy and Rory, but its' happening. They bicker, they argue over the brakes, and begin to hold each other in bed without the tears more and more. They go on adventures, risk their lives, and laugh all the way through. Though he still catches her staring at her flat stomach in the mirror when she thinks he's asleep, she's slowly regaining the confidence she'd lost.

One day, he finally mentions it. They'd woken up, him lazily running hands over her, and he says it without thinking. "I bet you could get pregnant again."

She inhales sharply, and he mentally slaps himself. No, no, no. Don't say that sort of thing, keep those thoughts in your head, don't get your hopes up-

River rolls over to face him, laying her cheek on her palm. "Maybe, but i can't-" She bites her lip and closes her eyes. "Can we not talk about this now, please?"

He nods hurriedly, and pulls her to him so she can't see the expression on his face.

\----

She goes back to the university the next week, and makes him promise to be there the next.

They keep this schedule up for quite a while.

She's better. It's all so much better.

\-----

Then, one day, she walks into the TARDIS doors, smiling softly.

"I'm ready."

\----

(Healing a wound takes time. Very slowly, it closes up, scabs over, and then you just see a scar. it's evidence of what you've been through, but it's also evidence of determination not to give in, not to let it fester. It's healed. Sometimes, when there's a wound, you just have to know it'll get better.)

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it, please tell me! And if you didn't... I like constructive criticism as well. :)


End file.
